Thursday, July 2, 2009

Facing Fear

When was the last time you were bucked off a horse? For me, it was probably about 28 years ago. Oh, the fear that the experience instilled in me . . . to this day. Well, we re-experienced this yesterday. While taking riding lessons at a friends ranch, Avery, my 8 year old was bucked off "Lil Bill" after he was spooked. When I looked up I saw her falling to the ground, landing on her side. I ran to her and held her close. Tears were running down her dirt dusted cheeks and her heart was beating fiercely. "I don't want to get back on, Mommy! Please, no, I don't want to get back on." I held her, firmly telling her that she had to. I told her I would walk beside her. Her instructor said he would ride beside her as well. She reluctantly agreed and climbed back on the back of "fear." We walked around the arena and she did it!!! She faced her fear!
As I thought about the whole experience God reminded me that getting back on a horse after being bucked off was kind of like facing fears in life; trying something again after failing miserably. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again," a wise elderly woman used to tell me at age 4 when I was unable to accomplish a feat the first time. Right now, my fear is not about learning to ride a horse, but about parenting challenges. I am afraid and overwhelmed by them because I feel so inadequate. I feel like a failure. Sometimes, I'd just rather not try again. "What if I fail.? Will I be ruining their lives?" I fear it will be all my fault, if I don't do the right thing, set the appropriate boundaries.
God so faithfully reminded me to walk in His truth knowing He is walking right beside me. He will hold the reins. It's okay to fear, as long as I don't allow the fear to to paralyze me, keeping us from ever getting back on the horse again. What are you afraid of? Give it to God! Go for it . . . don't worry about getting bucked off . . . your job is to just get back on! Leave the rest to Him.
Isaiah 41:10 "Do not fear for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; and uphold you with my righteous right hand."

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