SMILE!

(Sharon) I've walked by the mirror at times and caught a glimpse of myself. To my surprise, I looked horrible! It wasn't simply that my hair and makeup weren't fixed, or that I was still in my pajamas, but my face looked as though I'd just taken a sip of those sour apple juice bags my kids love to drink. I realized that I needed to smile more. Smiling makes you feel better. And guess who else feels better when Mom smiles? Husbands and kids really appreciate a smile from the main lady in the house.


Unfortunately, the saying is true; "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy." I long for my face to be my family's refuge. The world can be a cruel place for our husbands and children. If they come home to a disagreeable, discontented wife/mom, their place of safety becomes uncomfortable for them. Some synonyms of refuge describe what a cheerful look can be for our family: a safe haven, a sanctuary, a shelter, a place of safety and protection, a harbor, and a retreat. It is my goal for my husband to look at me, no matter where we are, and feel "safe." The neat thing is, when my face is loving, loving words and actions usually follow.


This is my goal--not something I've completely achieved, but what I'm aiming for. I have to remind myself that this is my goal or I fall into a marital slump and my face slides back into the sour-apple pose again. The couple I saw at church lovingly looking at each other reminded me that I was doing it again--looking disagreeable. By the look on her husband's face, I knew he had found a safe place in her face--at least that day. She's probably not that way all the time either. But that incident jolted me out of my selfish, discouraging frame of mind and back into the reality I want to live in , one of love and encouragement for my husband.

[The Man] You're so beautiful, my darling, so beautiful, and your dove eyes are veiled by your hair as it flows and shimmers, like a flock of goats in the distance streaming down a hllside in the sunshine. Your smile is generous and full--expressive and strong and clean. Your lips are jewel red, your mouth elegant and inviting, your veiled cheeks soft and radiant. The smooth, lithe lines of your neck command notice--all heads turn in awe and admiration!
Song of Solomon 4:1-3
The Message

Set Free

Every day his mom and dad would badger him about his homework. He didn't make bad grades, but they didn't trust him to get the work done on his own. Finally, in tenth grade he bluntly told them, "If you will leave me alone, I'll make better grades." His parents agreed to give it a try and watched as their son signed up for advanced courses and proceeded to maintain good grades.


As moms, we often feel like that tied-down teenager, only we're tied down by our own expectations. A grandma told me that when her kids were little, she had in her mind what her life should be like. So she stayed up until three o'clock in the morning sewing the costumes, baking cookies, cleaning, and catching up on laundry.


After several years at this pace, she had a nervous breakdown. She said that she missed so much of her children's growing up because she was trying to be the perfect mom. She was more concerned about "doing" than "being." (She said she has learned her lesson and spends as much time as she can with her grandchildren.)


One mom told me, "As hard as you thought it would be to be a mom, it's that much harder. You wish it could be only as hard as what you thought it would be!" Maybe we had those unrealistic ideas before we had kids, but now that they are here, it's okay to let go of some of the expectations we have of ourselves and how we thought life would be.


Galatians 5:1 says, "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Like the teenager given the freedom to do what he could do with out the "slavery" his parents had hung around his neck, Jesus can do the same for us. He can take the burdens and expectations that hang around our necks, weighing us down, and give us instead the freedom to be what He made us to be.


Focus your eyes on that freedom. Ask God to open your heart and mind to really accept His freedom from all you've expected of yourself. He will strengthen you, enabling you to not just do your best, but also do your best while He holds you up and cheers you on.


Have you been bogged down about your "home work"? Then cut yourself some slack. Our load as moms is heavy enough as it is. Don't add more than you need to carry. Identify the expectations that are enslaving you. Then give them to the Lord and see what He can do. Instead of being paralyzed by guilt, you'll come alive as the mom God intended you to be. He has set you free, so live that way!


Lord, You know us better than we know ourselves. Sometimes we don't even know what expectations we have of ourselves. We just know that we are running around frustrated and overwhelmed with too much to do. Show us as we go through our daily life what things we can let go of, what things don't really matter and are not ours to control. Help us, Lord, to stop badgering ourselves about all that we "should" be doing; help us to slow down so we can enjoy our families and just "be" with them. Thankful to be free, I pray this in Jesus' Name. Amen.


Think about your day today. What could you let go of to make your day more about what God wants to do than about what you expect of yourself?


From Sharon and Laurie's book Hold You, Mommy

A Fresh Start

"I've had to adopt my kids two times," she said with a smile. I looked at this mom a little confused, trying to think how she adopted them twice and why. As if to answer my questions she said, "I thought about how God has adopted us with our past and He starts working on things right where we are. He doesn't expect us to be perfect, but He takes us as we are. He doesn't give up on us."


She continued, "I realized that I was worrying about what I hadn't done raising my kids and was feeling horrible about it. So I called a family meeting, and I told them how I was going to follow God's lead--take them under my wing again at this stage of life and begin the parenting process afresh. I explained, 'If I adopted you today at your current ages, I would get you with all of your past--the good and the bad. I would do my best, starting now on the day of adoption. So starting now, I adopt you again, and these are the things I want to do differently from this point on.' This seemed to be the perfect solution to getting past my feelings of failure about the job I had been doing with them up to that point."


It's easy to fall into habits that eventually become a part of your family. Maybe the kids constantly interrupt your conversation or you've heard yourself speaking in ways that the children aren't allowed to speak. Maybe you are doing all the work without any help from your family, or you're all eating out constantly, running from here to there. Whatever your scenario, there are traps that all of us fall into, and sometimes we need a fresh start.


Instead of yelling and complaining, try restarting your family. That mom was letting her kids know that she was still glad to be their mom and hadn't given up on them. She was saying to them, "If I had to choose today, I'd still choose you."


Do you need to start over with your family? Do you feel like you could give up on them? (If so, don't worry--you're normal!) Maybe you need to get away by yourself or with your husband to think clearly about the trends in your family. When you get back, call a family meeting to introduce the new rules and new freedoms or to ask forgiveness for past mistakes. Then adopt them. Start over, with all of the past in the past. Today is a new day!


Lord, You were gracious beyond measure to adopt us into Your family. You didn't ask us to clean up our act and then come to You, but You have taken us as we are. Thank You for giving us second, third, and fourth chances....Help us do the same with our children. Show us things that we are allowing (or aren't allowing) in our home that we should change. Help us know when we should be more careful and when we should lighten up. Help us accept our kids just as they are. Refocus our minds. Restart us, Lord. We pray this in Jesus' Name as Your grateful adopted kids. Amen.


from Laurie and Sharon's book Hold You, Mommy

Toddler to Teen? Time Flies!

Our oldest daughter turned 13 last week. Man, the time flies! Seems like she was a toddler 2 minutes ago! I am learning so much everyday about what it's like to parent this new stage. I've learned, so far,

• it's best if I take a deep breath before I jump into a lecture;
• that when she tells me stuff, she's not always looking for an answer;
• that we enjoy a lot of the same things (that's really cool!);
• that I shouldn't snort when I laugh because that's not cool;
• I'm learning not to panic...she's learning and growing everyday. I see glimpses of Jesus in her and it reminds me that He's the one who is ultimately in control;
• I'm doing all I can to pour into her the blessings and promises of God without shoving them on her...being available at bedtime, holding her when she asks, putting notes in her lunch box, reading the bible or a devotional at breakfast;
• she doesn't always want me around, but sometimes she does. At those times she really needs me.
• when she gives me a hard time, most of the time she's really trying to get me to play...when I tickle her, or roll my eyes and smile instead of getting mad, we end of laughing.
• sometimes I'm an idiot. If any experienced parents want to give me advice, I'll gladly take it!
  

Lord, we need your help. Please give us the wisdom, patience, understanding, and perseverance we need to raise this strong daughter you've given us. You created her and know her better than we ever can. You're works are wonderful. (Ps. 139) Thank you for the privilege of being responsible for training our kids. I love You and Need You. I ask this in Jesus name...Amen

Sharon

Putting In The Right Stuff

On Monday I took our fourteen yr. old to his first day of high school world view class. Wow! It's exciting, yet startling. Exciting, because he is beginning a new stage in life and gaining an invaluable learning experience. Startling, because I can't believe he is already in high school! I have been asking myself lately, "Have we been putting in the right stuff? Will he know all he needs to know to face the future?"

You know, I've heard it said that after they start driving, "It's all over!" Wow, that means I'd better hurry . . . he's about to turn 15!

I am keeping my eyes peeled for teaching opportunities such as, washing and cooking skills, to good work ethics and decision making skills.

So I ask you, "Are you putting in the right stuff right now?" Together let's ask God to remind us of what that is . . the stuff that really matters most.

With eyes peeled,

Laurie