Before You Burst!

(Laurie) Have you ever blown up a balloon bigger and bigger, thinking with every breath it was going to burst? Finally it does. Before it popped, you had two choices: to keep blowing until it popped, or to stop and let the air out. When we become angry, disgrunteled, or get in a funk for whatever reason, we have two choces: to let the anger rise until we burst with angry words, or admit we are struggling and end the pressure build up. That sounds so easy, but it's hard to do when you feel justified in your anger.


I've noticed that if I go on without telling my husband I'm struggling, I eventually blow up at him. But if I swallow my pride, and admit I'm wrong, and just tell him I'm strugglling, it "lets the air out," breaks down the wall I've been building, stops the vicious cycle, and as a result we can peacefully move on. My husband can be so understanding and loving when he knows I'm having a tough day. That's so much better than saying things that are hurtful to him, words I'll later regret.

Proverbs 15:1
A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Father, You have a better way. Please help me choose Your way instead of my selfish, prideful way. It really is easier that way. Teach me to love my husband and please help us grow into the couple You want us to be. In Jesus' Name amen.


from Sharon and Laurie's book Mom...And Loving It!

A New Place to Dwell

As my sister-in-law was reading a book to my girls, she came across the line "Don't dwell on it." Crislynn stopped her and said, "What does 'dwell' mean?" Brittlea, my eight-year-old (at the time), piped up, "It's where you live." At first we thought her definition didn't fit the context of the sentence, but the more we considered it, we realized it fit perfectly.


Sometimes my kids will confess things they are thinking if they feel guilty for their thoughts. I tell them that just because they have a bad thought or idea doesn't mean they have sinned. Just as we don't intend to let a fly into our house, thoughts can loom at the door of our minds and enter without invitation. It's when we don't do anything to rid ourselves of the pesky thought that it becomes sin.


I believed my kids were the ones who needed to hear this advice as they struggled with thoughts that made them feel guilty. However, as Laurie and I talked one day, she said, "Sharon, we're doing the same thing. We're beating ourselves up for things we think. Maybe I am about to blow up inside, making me feel guilty, but when I don't blow up I'm exercising self-control--and that's something I can feel good about."


As moms, it's easy for us to be hard on ourselves, feeling guilty for things that were only thoughts. But we need to remember something: If we didn't stop there, unload, and hang pictures on the wall, we haven't done anything wrong. It's when we dwell there that we run into problems.


In 2 Corinthians 10:5 it says, "We take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." That's how we fight the tendency to dwell on things that take our eyes off of the Lord. When the thoughts come, take them to the Lord and get rid of the ones that don't match His character.


If you are dwelling on something you said to your kids (maybe you jumped all over them for swinging and bruising the grocery bag full of fresh fruit), ask forgiveness from God and your kids--then move on. When you feel guilty for your harsh words again, don't start building a house around that thought; rather, shoo it out the door of your mind because you have been forgiven.


If you are having silent conversations with your husband because he left his clothes out again, take that thought captive, and tear down the walls that have started going up by praying for him as you put the lost clothes where they belong. If you're feeling guilty for the actions of your children (such as when they fuss about anything and everything), pray for them and discipline when you need to, but remember: We are all responsible for our own actions, not the actions of others (including our children).


Where have you been dwelling today? Where will you live for the rest of today! The good news is, you have a choice. When those thoughts sneak into your mind, take them captive. don't dwell there. No one wants to live in that neighborhood!


Lord, You know the thoughts that are common to my mind. Help me to not feel guilty for things I think that I immediately push out of my thoughts. And help me identify those things that I am dwelling on that have already begun to build walls--walls that need to be torn down. One day spent in Your house beats thousands spent elsewhere. I'd rather scrub floors in the house of my God than be honored as a guest in the palace of sin (Psalm 84:10). Open my eyes when I'm living somewhere other than with You. How lovely is Your dwelling place! Dwelling on You, in Jesus' Name, amen.


from Sharon and Laurie's book Hold You, Mommy.

A Fresh Start

"I've had to adopt my kids two times," she said with a smile. I looked at this mom a little confused, trying to think how she adopted them twice and why. As if to answer my questions she said, "I thought about how God has adopted us with our past and He starts working on things right where we are. He doesn't expect us to be perfect, but He takes us as we are. He doesn't give up on us."


She continued, "I realized that I was worrying about what I hadn't done raising my kids and was feeling horrible about it. So I called a family meeting, and I told them how I was going to follow God's lead--take them under my wing again at this stage of life and begin the parenting process afresh. I explained, 'If I adopted you today at your current ages, I would get you with all of your past--the good and the bad. I would do my best, starting now on the day of adoption. So starting now, I adopt you again, and these are the things I want to do differently from this point on.' This seemed to be the perfect solution to getting past my feelings of failure about the job I had been doing with them up to that point."


It's easy to fall into habits that eventually become a part of your family. Maybe the kids constantly interrupt your conversation or you've heard yourself speaking in ways that the children aren't allowed to speak. Maybe you are doing all the work without any help from your family, or you're all eating out constantly, running from here to there. Whatever your scenario, there are traps that all of us fall into, and sometimes we need a fresh start.


Instead of yelling and complaining, try restarting your family. That mom was letting her kids know that she was still glad to be their mom and hadn't given up on them. She was saying to them, "If I had to choose today, I'd still choose you."


Do you need to start over with your family? Do you feel like you could give up on them? (If so, don't worry--you're normal!) Maybe you need to get away by yourself or with your husband to think clearly about the trends in your family. When you get back, call a family meeting to introduce the new rules and new freedoms or to ask forgiveness for past mistakes. Then adopt them. Start over, with all of the past in the past. Today is a new day!


Lord, You were gracious beyond measure to adopt us into Your family. You didn't ask us to clean up our act and then come to You, but You have taken us as we are. Thank You for giving us second, third, and fourth chances....Help us do the same with our children. Show us things that we are allowing (or aren't allowing) in our home that we should change. Help us know when we should be more careful and when we should lighten up. Help us accept our kids just as they are. Refocus our minds. Restart us, Lord. We pray this in Jesus' Name as Your grateful adopted kids. Amen.


from Laurie and Sharon's book Hold You, Mommy

You are Not Alone

(Because of the way this one starts, I want you to know upfront that it was taken from Sharon and Laurie's book Hold You, Mommy. No less relevant today in new stages than it was 6 years ago, but neither of the girls have a newborn at the moment!)


As many of you know, I have entered the world of diapers, strollers, and middle-of-the-night feedings again. Most of the time "I'm loving it," but other times I think "I'm losing it!" I don't know about you, but I find myself forgetting things (primarily my children's names), or I'll go to another room to get something and forget why I'm there. Sometimes thinking of a simple word can bumfuzzle me! And have you ever put something away and then for the life of you, you can't remember where you put it? Please tell me you can relate...or am I just getting old? I prefer to think that it is postpartum brain loss.


Feeling "confused and disoriented" is a problem for most moms. A common occurrence in our house that can almost bring me to tears is when everyone needs me at the same time. The baby awakens from his nap, crying because he's hungry, and my five-year-old is in the bathroom calling, "Mommy, I neeeeeeed you!" My eight-year-old, standing on her head, determined to keep her balance, is breathlessly saying, "Mommy, Mommy, look at me, look at me!" And at the exact same time, my ten-year-old is asking, "Mom, can I buy these new bracelets off eBay? The deal goes off in five minutes."


Of course all this is happening as I'm preparing dinner. And while working quickly to put out the various family "fires," I find I've started one of my own on the stove! I've often had the thought, If one more person calls my name, I'm gonna scream, only to hear my husband say, "Honey, have you seen my glasses?" Aahh! I can't take it anymore!


There are days I think, Lord, I can't do this. I don't even have the energy to try anymore. Some days the challenges of motherhood are too demanding, too overwhelming, too exhausting.


Do you ever feel like giving up? Is your burden too heavy? Are you afraid because you feel out of control? Don't worry--you are not alone.

Isaiah 41:10 says, "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" (emphasis added).

It isn't all up to you. God longs to fill us with His strength if we'll just let Him. It is in recognizing our weakness that we realize God's strength. Isaiah 40:29 says it well: "He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."

In The Message, Isaiah 41:9-10 reads like this:

"I've picked you. I haven't dropped you. Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm you God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you."

Just remember: When you are out of control, He is in control. Get close to Him. Seek Him, and He'll empower you to handle the challenges that overwhelm you.


Lord, I want to stop trying to do everything on my own. I need you to calm my spirit, to give me strength, to hold me steady. Give me self-control so that I can respond gently instead of harshly, set loving limits instead of rash rules, and seek to understand before making demands. Lord, I am weak, but you are strong! Thanks be unto God! Amen.

When I Give Up...He Doesn't: Why I Love Jesus Part 3

I love Jesus because when I’m overwhelmed with my faults, He quietly cheers me toward a better way instead of giving up on me.


It has been one of those weeks (actually several weeks) that I’ve noticed everything I’ve done wrong. Like that pile of tipped hurdles, the failures have been obvious in my mind. Some of my missed hurdles...

* I am so inconsistent! And all the books say that one of the most important things in parenting is to be consistent.
* I regularly pounce on things that don’t really matter, missing the positive and magnifying the negative in my husband and kids.
* When I do correct things that matter, I often attack them which pushes them away instead of gently showing them the way they should go. (“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”Prov. 15:1)
* I trudge through my “mom duties” waiting for a pat on the back rather than cooking, cleaning, and loving with thankfulness. It’s amazing that I even have a family. I want to serve them with a grateful heart.


And today, a not only knocked the hurdle over, but I crashed and burned. I began to understand that I am notorious for trying to cover my mistakes. After a conversation with my daughter about her refusal to accept responsibility for her part of an issue, I soon realized that I was naming my own sin as I pointed out what I thought was monopolized by my daughter.


I want my children to apologize, to speak respectfully when they are confronted, to learn from their mistakes, but I have been so busy covering my tracks that I am quick to lash out with harsh words, often slow to apologize, and slow to accept my responsibility. That’s quite the opposite of James 1:19: “…be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” I have much to learn. I can feel hopeless.


Where’s the Hope?
I have a tendency to give up on me, but He keeps quietly pursuing me. The hope in all this for you and me is that at our worst, He is still for us. Jer. 31:3 says: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving kindness.” He hasn’t forced Himself on me, but has rather consistently drawn me closer to Himself by helping me see how much I need Him (i.e. all those hurdles). He is able to love us through the race and grow us to new heights in our relationship with Him and with others.


When I am crippled by my own sin, confession leads the way to healing and growing. I started the apologies this morning for tracks I had tried to cover. Already, as I began to share my struggle and ask forgiveness, I have felt the rockslide of guilt begin to lighten.


If you’re struggling with your own inadequacies, ask God to show you where you are stubbornly wanting your own way; confess those areas; then look to Him who is not only able to help, but wants to help. He is, in fact, at this very moment, quietly cheering you on to a better walk each day.


Something to do with the kids:
1. Talk about some things that are causing you to struggle. Ask your kids what seems difficult things they are facing. Talk about how these verses can help you overcome the hurdles in your life.
Jeremiah 31:3

Colossians 3:17
James 3:17
James 4:8

James 4:10

2. Take one of the verses above and make it "yours."

Running the race...

Sharon

Way to go Brittlea on a great hurdling season!! I loved watching you! - Mom

A 30 Minute Session with THE Counselor

As I left my house this morning, the burdens were weighing heavy on my shoulders. Normally I'll call somebody to vent, but it just didn't seem right. So I asked God to be my counselor. I started unloading to my heavenly adviser..."This is how I feel, this is what I expected, etc. I ranted, raved and cried. After my tears, it's like the mirror was wiped clean and suddenly I could see the error in my thoughts. Things aren't always as they seem. It wasn't as bad as I assumed. Here are some of the advice my counselor brought my way:

• Love perseveres - I Cor. 13:7b
• Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:21 (Remember who is behind the evil stirring the pot.)
• When I don't give grace, I fall on my face (the Lord brought this to mind from a friend who shared it earlier this week.)
• And from the book, Humility, True Greatness by C.J. Mahaney, pg. 71 - "An ungrateful person is a proud person. If I'm ungrateful, I'm arrogant. And if I'm arrogant, I need to remember God doesn't sympathize with me in that arrogance; He is opposed to the proud."

After my 30-minute session with the Divine Counselor, my burdens were gone; replaced by perspective and hope. We have a great God. To Him be the Glory!